Tendering My Resignation

To Whom It May Concern,


Thirteen years. Thirteen interesting, rewarding and ultimately enjoyable years as a writer have passed, and with them a sense of regret. A lack of fulfillment, some may say, but I say otherwise. In all lives, great change must come to do great things, and I have come to the realization that day is today.

As of this day, August 30th, 2011, I am no longer performing duties as Administrator, Editor and Writer for the weblogs "Weathering the Storm" and "Delicious Caek," effective immediately and indefinitely. This is not a retirement but instead an opportunity for personal growth and reflection.

Should I return to writing, I will not be doing so on this site. With this page I've gone about as far as I can go. So with this, in the spirit of literary metaphors I close one chapter in order to open the next. Thank you all for reading, you have my deepest thanks.

Sincerely,

Patrick "Rey Fawkes" Owens

Bill Bratton: Will He Spoil Scotland Yard's Broth?

Bill Bratton, NYPD commissioner, LAPD chief and all-around supercop has been considered for the honored position of commissioner to New Scotland Yard and the London Metro Police. But, is he the right man for the job?

Well, is he?

This writer has been following the Britain riots for quite a while now, trying in vain to pinpoint what exactly brought about such societal cannibalism and have since been dragged down a wild and roundabout path. A path so winding and double-sided that it encourages one to utter the age-old American axiom "not my problem." Being better than that, of course, my attention was drawn in like a barracuda (or gold-digging wench) to a shiny object when the name of Bratton was uttered recently.

The saying "too many cooks spoil the broth" come to mind when the facts are considered. Given his background in events such as these and subsequently, having been consulted periodically by Britain's law enforcement professionals, it would seem as though it was a no-brainer. Unfortunately, the fact that an American is even remotely entertained as thought for a prospective commissioner has UK Home Secretary Theresa May's "knickers in a bunch." This is by virtue of the fact that he is, quite obviously, not a citizen of the UK though there are no legal stipulations making this a requirement.

What about the fact that adding an extra hand to bark already inefficient (by virtue of the fact that the riots are still raging) orders may spoil the proverbial "broth"? Is this a ruse? What exactly is going on across the pond that would warrant such an action? Perhaps we should stop asking why things are broken, and instead deduce precisely how they were broken in the first place? Why such reluctance from May on the case of Bratton's help? Will he expose what brought this about in the first place and in turn disgrace the government officials who may have an unseen hand in this?

An Open Letter To That One Nutritionist (Who's Name I Can't Remember)

Dear Nutrition-Fascist,

Hello, it's Rey, the guy you said shouldn't be in such good shape given the fact that he smokes, drinks and puts gravy on everything? The fella who can (and will) smoke your ass in sprints or any other physical challenge you throw at me?

Yeah it's me, and I've got a proposal for you...

Normally, I'd tell you to eat a dick, but this time I've got something special cooked up. Cooked up especially for you; it is bacon. Yes, cut-from-the-hog, thick-cut, applewood-smoked bacon. An entire plate of bacon, from me to you, bitch. I wish to force-feed you bacon through a funnel. Like bacon water torture (bacon-boarding?)

Lets be honest, I didn't like meeting your ass that morning while I was on that business trip. I enjoy business trips, and you tried to wreck it for me. This affront to my business-trip happiness will not go unanswered. Especially considering you are, to put it lightly, overweight. Pardon me if I may seem rather untoward and vociferous, but I am confident in the fact that you'll understand my next question, since I know I'm not too "ghetto":

How in the fuck a fat bitch like you thinks she can roll her jello-ass in and tell me how to eat? I should have cut some bacon off your back for that! Seriously, what makes you think you're even fit (no pun intended, well, maybe a little) to do so? Were you the butt of a joke? Did you lose a bet? Did you not think someone besides myself would react this way? That's like a Victoria Secret model lying face-down,ass-up with no pants on at Tiger Woods' house and expecting NOT to get fucked!

...'cause she's getting fucked, no way around that...

Before you carelessly use the excuse that you're "recovering from food addiction" as I was recently informed, let me just say that I have seen the face of addiction. I've known alcoholics who would boil down aftershave to get at the sweet alcohol that lay within, and heroin addicts who shot up in some of the most incomprehensible body parts (here's a hint: their fucking cock!). When you don't care about the quality of what you're getting so long as you get it, then you're "qualified" to call yourself an addict. I don't see you fishing around a dumpster to get at a Big Mac, so please spare me that load of bull.

I hope this letter speaks to the part of you that know's to hold itself accountable, or drives you to the brink of sanity; either/or.

Sincerely,
Rey Ignatius Fawkes

The Only Exception

"American Exceptionalism," the very phrase that adds an air of mystique to U.S. culture and politics. But just what exactly constitutes such exceptional qualities that sets our nation apart from all others? Apart, of course, from the fact that we're on the Western Hemisphere?

According to Wikipedia's uncommonly comprehensive entry on the very subject, American Exceptionalism has gone by several different definitions by several different personnages throughout history, but the theme is still the same; it is merely a theory. No different from the "American Dream," it is a thought-up, made-on-the-fly and ham-handed pretense for our successes and in this century, our failures; much in the same spirit as the term Manifest Destiny, which (unironically)is mostly responsible for the virulent propagandist mantra that nearly wiped out the indigenous Americans of this country. But is such an abstract concept a detriment to the mindset of the American public?

I set out to analyze the theory of American Exceptionalism in lieu of how often it had been bandied about by political pundits, and have since been sorely disappointed. To my findings in this, it amounts to little more than a rhetorical formula not unlike how Pascal's Wager (in the realm of lame excuses) is thrown at religious skeptics like an impotent spitball at a granite wall. A reason to "not play ball," an idea that had only been enforced over the centuries by people who are not even American-born, but still hold in awe the potential strength of our nation.

So, can it be said that other nations see that there is so much more the United States are capable of than we ourselves can see? Perhaps so, as our nation's credit rating immediately tanked, as foreign investors are wary of the nation that used to produce but produces no more. The country that went from being the world's supermarket, to the world's police precint, to the world's hospitality suite in our growing role as a "service-based economy." It is no wonder to this writer that foreign investors have pulled out.

Instead of this flimsy pretense for not accepting our respective roles as world citizens, perhaps it's time to accept our spot in the global economy as an alternative to barking back and forth across the aisles? Or, do we keep drinking the Kool-Aid of American Exceptionalism?

You know, this stuff is starting to taste more and more like Nationalism as of late.

Representing More Than a Law School Reunion

If you were watching the informative and decidedly left-wing hilarity of Real Time with Bill Maher (aired Friday, 8/5/2011), you undoubtedly noticed the presence of Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson and a rather astute observation he made.

The observation regarded the fact that from 540 current members of Congress, 236 hold law degrees (58 Senators and 178 Representatives). That means 44%
of people in congress are, essentially, lawyers by trade. He went further to ask "Where is the rest of life?" or why more scientists, economists, entrepreneurs and basically people from other areas of expertise don't take on postings in public office; people that can give a more rounded representation of the American public's goals and necessities? To paraphrase Dr. Tyson's remark, given the nature of law and the courts it is an arguer's forum. He whose arguing skills are superior will win the favorable ruling and not the one with the superior argument. Therefore, the facts are null and void unless in hands of the appropriate, purple-faced loudmouth with a law degree.

Long story short, he made me think.

Precisely why is it that more of the aforementioned scientists, entrepreneurs and economists don't apply their expertise in a leadership role? A role so significant, a "second pair of eyes", that can provide insight on how the government can better serve the public? Are the able, decidedly, unwilling to participate? Is it acceptable to stay in their positions as academic leaders, but not political? Ain't that a damn shame?

With the recent drop in the U.S. credit rating, despite all the valid and pertinent facts that the Democratic party argued, 98% of the debt deal sided with the Republican Party's wishes. Now, suppose actual businessmen who know that to make money you must spend money, made up the greater majority on both sides? Even if there was a compromise, would it not have been a 50/50 split? No one can say for sure, but given the actual result, would it be so wrong to have a different type of professional in congress? A more diverse base of knowledge from which the decisions that shape the future of the nation could function?

Well? What's so bad about that?