Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label personal. Show all posts

Saturday, April 9, 2011

The Date from Hell Continues


"That happens," Veronica giggled behind a cloud of smoke. Liam rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly in the way most men do when they're intimidated sexually. "Is that a bit of your 'beguiling' nature coming out then?" Veronica actually had to pause in thought, a second guess, before replying "Well that's probably a knee-jerk reaction, am I scaring you away yet?" Liam shrugged awkwardly, saying "No," then asking "should I be? I suppose it's just a question of one's interest, vice their nature." Veronica leaned with a smile fanged more with skepticism than actual fang. "Care to explain?"
Liam gathered his thoughts, he was so concerned about making the right impression, about saying the right thing. Yet for a moment, he was completely oblivious to the fact that he was quite literally on a dinner date with one of Hell's minions. An under-appreciated, thoroughly disillusioned minion, but a minion nonetheless. Though despite this paltry difference, it was the differences in perspective that made up the grand tapestry of their conversation. Light, and jovial, with much to be gleaned and learned from the other. Despite the imperfections of both, their interaction was the sort that silenced the room. The type that made you unaware of your surroundings or the fact that your date's brown mink stole was belching up the bones of a curious onlooker. "I think your...wrap just ate a customer." Liam said, his train of thought again derailed. Veronica's eyes snapped to the stole, "Murky!" She hurriedly wiped the blood from the mouth of the stole, which drew the attention of a few other patrons that were, quite understandably horrified. Veronica's attention snapped back to Liam, himself a bit astonished at the spectacle of a demon chiding their garment for eating a grown man. Veronica bit her lip in embarassment, and Liam looked round the diner at the other patrons nervously. It occurred to him, that something needed to be said; a moment of truth in the appalled silence. "I guess he didn't tip?" Liam asked, to which the waitress wearing a surgical mask added "He wasn't a very good tipper, to be honest. I know it's not good to speak ill of the freshly and forgotten dead, but the fact remains he was lousy at tipping." The patrons looked at one another, exchanging nervous glances before erupting in raucous laughter. Liam smiled, thinking about how he "made a funny" whilst Veronica beamed at him in momentary admiration. Ladies like a man who can command a room, even ladies from Hell, Liam thought. "Would you like to catch a movie? I hear its good to leave an audience laughing." He asked. Veronica rose from the booth, her savage mink in tow.

Walking to the theatre, Veronica turned to Liam and asked "So, are you going to finish that statement? Something about interest and nature I believe?" Liam again gathered his thoughts before saying "Well, it's in your interest to date someone outside of your...realm...because you're sick of the same old. But its in your nature to seduce me and the who knows what else. So, my deduction is that you were going to do that, you'd already have come round to that so I'm not worried." Veronica flashed him a smile and nudged him, her strength belying her attractive frame. "Or it could be that it's in my 'nature' to give into my 'interest'; I do have mortal desires after all." Liam glanced away, then turned back to Veronica and said with a smile "I could be over-thinking, you know?"
"I wouldn't doubt that." The fall evening chill was a bit less brisk than one would have expected on the walk to the theatre. After a time, they came upon a homeless young man playing a ukulele. He wore a slouch hat, battered by the elements and an equally battered ZZ Top t shirt with beaten jeans. Veronica, taking pity on the man, dropped a bit of change from her purse into the man's open ukulele case. Liam followed suit, but was compelled to ask after walking past "Why'd you do that?"
"What?"
"Drop change in that man's case. I thought it was all torment for you-
His voice trailed off, Veronica stood before him with arms folded, she said "For one, I like to keep work separate and for two, I don't see the point in not helping someone when you're able. In Hell, if I were to show a kindness to the damned then that'd be it for me. Up here, showing a kindness is something I can indulge. You know sometimes you get sick of the same old 'punish this one, scourge the other, burn the next' and so on." Liam scratched his head, feeling that he may have offended her. "I'd like to apologize, I just didn't understand." Veronica walked on ahead of Liam, who still remained and said "At least you asked, and I was willing to answer." Veronica then stopped after a few paces, turned and smiled "Are we going to catch this movie or not?" Liam quickly followed pace, smiling at the thought.

"Excuse me" a rather thoroughly annoyed voice could be heard behind Veronica and Liam as they sat in a now vain attempt to enjoy the movie. Liam was the first to turn round and find a rather obese man with a face still plagued by acne despite his age and an atrociously fierce "neckbeard." "Is there a problem, sir?" Liam asked, his arm draping across the back of Veronica's, trying to crane his neck to look into the man's eyes. There was a pause; the fat man in his stained "Firefly" t shirt did not expect to have his voice heard. With a wheeze, he replied "Yes, could you tell your girlfriend to take off that stupid hat?" Liam's face twitched in offense, weighted with shock. "Now see here mister, I-
"No you 'see here' buddy. I pay good money out of my pockets to blog film." The neckbearded man interrupted him, immediately pressing his defence. "Films like these, I do it gratis, for the love, if you will. Now I'm not just going to sit here and tolerate two rubes who can't appreciate film and instead like to obstruct my view. Furthermore I find it offensive to the work of the director and actors in this film. I'd rather you just show some appreciation and be on your way instead of wearing tall, silly horned hats!" Neckbeard's voice began to carry, annoying the other viewers. During all of this, Veronica was completely oblivious, thoroughly enjoying the film as much as she could. It wasn't like she could see good movies in Hell, or at least movies that weren't written by the Hallmark or Lifetime networks. Relishing the moment, it wasn't until she heard the words "stupid bitch trussed in green body paint like a cosplayer" that she began to pay heed. Liam and Neckbeard had gotten to the point in their argument when a man will begin questioning another man's "manhood" when she turned round to face Neckbeard. Veronica merely smiled. A smile punctuated with malice, not unlike that of a hunter, savoring the moment before the kill. Her eyes shined like a pair of amber jewels, piercing the darkness like a pair of demonic headlights. To Neckbeard, he felt as if he were staring into the very cauldrons of the ninth sphere itself, or a scene from "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom," or whatever goes through the mind of a film geek at a time like that. Regardless of which Neckbeard grew pale and unable to breathe or, wheeze, properly. "Do we have a problem?" Veronica asked placidly. "No, Miss, I was just complimenting your..." Neckbeard's voice trailed off, Veronica turned to watch the movie. Liam looked at her in wonderment and admiration. "You have a way with people, don't you?" Veronica, not taking her eyes off the screen, replied "I see you have to start fights to find an excuse to lay your arm on my shoulders?"
"Ah, well played, huh?" Liam smiled. Veronica giggled, leaning into him.
Veronica resolved to walk Liam home, claiming that he was far more likely to get mugged than she. On the walk, Liam asked her "So how often do you get to come up here anyway? I don't believe we covered that." Veronica let out a calm yet forlorn sigh. "Every full moon, so it would be a 'once a month' thing."
"I see," Liam nodded, staring at the sidewalk as they traveled. There was a period of silence, then Veronica reached over to take his hand. "You know, I've come to realize something in my time here," she began. "It's best just to enjoy the time you have, make the most of every moment. I don't know, maybe its an appreciation for mortaliy, even though it isn't really all that 'over' when you think about it. But still, every passing moment of anything can be enjoyed, as long as you're aware of the impermanence of it, you know?"
"I think I see what you mean," Liam replied with a grin, then said "Oh, this is me" gesturing halfheartedly towards the door of his apartment building. Another pause with the sort of awkwardness that comes with trying to find an appropriate end to a evening. Endings are never easy but taking a nod from Liam earlier, Veronica looked at Liam and smirked, asking as he leaned in to kiss her "Now, I'm not going to fall under you seductive and beguiling spell if I kiss you back, right?"
Liam laughed, it was good to leave them laughing after all.

-END-

(This story was written with the permission of the original artist, Winston Rowntree. "Veronica", "Liam" & "Neckbeard" are character names associated with Rey the Fawkes and in no way claim ownership of the the originally drawn characters. While you're at it, please visit http://www.viruscomix.com/subnormality.html and support the artist.)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Fitness and Cruelty: An Exercise in Futility


Being the voracious internet news lurker that I am, I've noticed a pattern in celebrity fitness that has been rather disturbing. I turn a blind eye to new age workout machines and the subsequent diets. But there's one woman who caught my eye, and not in a good way...

I'm talking about a certain personal trainer named Tracey Anderson...

Attractive? Yes, but kind and compassionate to her clients? Not so much...

The article posted on movieline.com http://www.movieline.com/2010/05/will-someone-stop-celebrity-trainer-tracy-anderson-before-she-strikes-again.php would have us believe this. As much as I like to give people the benefit of the doubt, I'm sorry Tracey, but there are certain things that aren't called for.

The state of fitness nowadays make gyms look like Soviet Gulags and even down on the level of physical education, it becomes like a day spent in general population

Of course, fitness doesn't have to bring back memories of feeling inadequate. Sure that may fuel the last few reps of your bench press, but it might not get you back in there the next day. The sad part is that I've met my fair share of personal trainers in all the gyms I've been to. It doesn't help being a CrossFit advocate like myself. That and being a relatively small guy doesn't help either. But the assumption with these personal trainers is that if you're not doing EXACTLY IN EXPLICIT DETAIL what they're doing, you're not working out properly if at all. That very "you're not like me, so there's obviously something wrong with your medula oblongata" mentality is the fertile soil for a budding bully complex and one of the many reasons why people are steering clear of the gym....

That and ringworm

The thing about staying in shape, before even THINKING about going on a regular basis, is your mindset. That, like many other things, is the greatest hindrance, as many great acts begin in the mind. But enough "fix-it" talk, lets move on to the hot, sexy personal trainer bashing.

...kidding, I'm not here to bash them, I'm here to remind them who they're dealing with. Your average feeble chump, as you may think of them, has the potential to become physically fit. It's merely a question of encouragement. I know a lot of the personal trainers out there are former military and let me tell you I used to be a ridiculously strong proponent of negative reinforcement in my time (I've even had 20-year vets call me a raging dickhead.) and let me tell you, nothing drives an 18 year old fresh to the fleet like telling them to "pick their vagina up off the ground" to assist in an aircraft launch

But on the personal trainer's end, it must be positive reinforcement coupled with the understanding that not everyone knows that much about fitness and nutrition. Is it important? Yes it is but so is the proper method for handling aviation ordnance and I don't expect your average personal trainer to know that. The role of the personal trainer has evolved, like the professional role of everyone else on the planet. Though the role has changed, the players of that role aren't all rolling with it. I bring up Tracey Anderson for a reason: That this is NOT the future of fitness. Yes, she's smokin' hot and in tremendously good shape; no doubt the purveyor of many a personal trainer's masturbatorial fantasies. But if bullying your clientele has become so the norm that even this professional troll can gain fame and fortune, maybe those aspiring to be fit need to raise their standards?